It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted. A bride asked me this weekend if I had posted the following story to instagram because she couldn’t believe how she missed it. I had to look back and I realized I’ve been silent since September 1. That goes for pretty much all of social media, with the exception of a few hurricane posts here and there on my personal accounts. My unintentional social media sabbatical gave me some clarity to try and understand the feelings I’ve been having, to process what’s going on now, and figure out where I’m going – dreaming up some bigger than life dreams that I’ve always struggled to concoct in the first place.
And I’ll be completely honest with you, I’m copying what I wrote to my friends and family the day after it happened. If you’re a dog owner, you’ll understand why because even just typing these words, I’m struggling to to do so without tears in my eyes.
September 19th: That morning, Fenway wouldn’t get up with me. He had been fine the night before, running around and playing with our friends- typical puppy (though we often questioned how a 10 year old could act as puppy-like as he did…). After some coaching, and stumbling, I got him outside to sit on the front step while we had our coffee. It was a beautiful morning and I’m so grateful for those brief moments in the cool air with the chimes blowing and his head on my lap. By the afternoon there was no change, and I brought him in to see his vet. I laid with him on the floor while she explained what was happening, showed us the x-rays, and told us our options. He went into surgery to remove an enormous mass which we had hoped was benign and only on his spleen. I honestly don’t know how that boy had gone on for so long without it bothering him. I got the call I feared most- it was worse than we thought, the mass was on his liver, and there was nothing they could do. I rushed back to say my goodbyes around 5:00 that night.
I’m absolutely heartbroken and devastated. That guy has been the best dog a girl could ever ask for. He got me through the craziest 10 years of my life and I’m so thankful for those years. I knew the day would come sooner rather than later, I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen so suddenly. I’ve been saying that as long as he died fat and happy, then I’ve done my job. Dude got a ridiculous amount of food the night before from friends (with a whole lot of “don’t tell your mom” lol) so I think we did okay.
Fenway, thanks for the nosing and the nuzzles, the judgy looks, the head cocking reactions to almost everything I said, the couch snuggles, the tear licking when shit got hard, the bouncing when you really needed whatever it was and we clearly didn’t understand, the butt wiggles, the angry barks when house guests would arrive (because we didn’t properly let him know they were coming.. we believe anyway), and the way you’d rest your head on my leg when I needed the affection most. The bell ringing that Dad taught you was a signature to the very end. You mean the world to me and life will never be the same without you herding me through the house.
Rest In Peace, Fenway.
Feb 9, 2007 – Sep 7, 2017